32. Finding ways to grow
and why I need to stay curious
Hi to all the new folks! This is a monthly newsletter of my thoughts on my work as a photographer. Thanks for being here and following along. This newsletter will always be a free one with no pressure to be a paid subscriber. But for those that have become a paid subscriber, I’m extra grateful to you ♥️
For two weeks in mid-April, my son and I enjoyed seeing our bright yellow tulips, full of life, sitting outside our home. Every morning, A would walk by, say hi to the tulips, and declare “they are so beautiful” and go about his day.
Just two days ago, however, they withered and disappeared, leaving the stems bare. When he asked me what happened, I noticed everyone else’s tulips were also gone. This was my first time noticing the incredibly short lifespan of tulips.
My 2.5 year old observes the world from a fresh perspective and challenges me to also be full of wonder, question everything, and be open to learning new ideas.
My sense of wonder feels like a distant memory and something that existed when I was young, and faded away in my 30s. Maybe this is what happens as you get older, but rarely am I in awe and it almost feels like a muscle I need to exercise. Unlike when I was young, I’m not in a state of constant learning and exploring. That’s something I’d like to change.
Spending five days in Alaska earlier this month, thanks to Young Kim and the Alaska Press Club, gave me an opportunity for reflection. My speaking engagements allowed me to think through my work process and how I've grown. These talks involved answering questions about my methods with working with sources, developing and pitching story ideas, and how I keep going amidst the challenges facing journalism.
Last year was one of the toughest seasons of my career. I was so close to letting it all go. I explored alternative career paths on LinkedIn and even considered further education to transition away from journalism and photography. The depression hovered over me and limited me from focusing on photography.
A year later the uncertainty in the industry has not changed, but my perspective and approach has. If I’m going to walk away from photography, I want to do it on my terms. I want it to be clear that it is my time to leave, and because it isn’t clear to me, I’m pushing myself to keep growing in my craft.
After an assignment earlier this month, I felt a lot of uncertainty about the quality of my work. Most often photos will be sent, an editor may say “thank you” and then that’s it. This time, the editor sent me feedback I was not expecting. It reminded me that I am going in the right direction with my work, even if I don’t feel it. Even when the dark thoughts are telling me I’m not good enough.
I share this because first, its super encouraging when an editor can see growth, and second, feedback is like a rare gem in this industry. As a freelancer, I don’t get yearly performance reviews and I can only assume I’m going in the right direction by the frequency of being hired. But even then, I’m often left in the dark of how I am doing other than the random nice comments I would get on my instagram posts.
I know I can’t depend on external feedback as the reason to grow in my craft. My work exists in a strange space because its success hinges on external validation – the person/client hiring needs to appreciate and value it. However, without my own conviction and belief in its worth, I’ll be exhausted chasing after external praise.
I may have worked with an editor for many years, but that does not guarantee that I will continue to work with them moving forward. A client can be consistent until they aren’t. There are younger and emerging photographers that are doing phenomenal work which I can either see as a threat or as a reason to keep improving my craft.
This isn’t about hustling or always working, but it’s about being curious and having an open mind; to try something I’m not familiar with. Sometimes I know I fall into complacency because I play it safe and create what is expected of me. I become routined in my photography and create what’s predictable. And this isn’t only for my work, but it happens in my day to day life with my family, friends and community. Most days can feel like a grind or like movie Groundhog Day, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
In Laurie Santos’ podcast, The Happiness Lab, she speaks to Shige Oishi about how to live a rich life and how ‘we should look for daily opportunities to explore, get lost, mess around and have random encounters that challenge our routines and expectations.’
For me, this could look like bringing my flash and not being afraid to use a light stand on an assignment. I could play with my film camera more often. It might look like me walking down a different side of the street in my block so I can meet someone new. I could try a different gym so I’m challenging myself with new climbs. The reality is that most of my photo assignments are straightforward - a portrait at someone’s home or a picture of a building - so it’s on me to find ways to make it exciting or to use it as an opportunity to experiment.
By stepping out of my comfort and routined life, I know failure will happen. I’ll make imperfect and bad photos, I’ll also experience rejection and ignored emails, and find myself in all kinds of uncomfortable situations. I’m hoping to embrace my 2.5-year-old's way of moving through life, without shame and without indifference, and see what possibilities are there for me.
Until next time ✨✨✨
April recap:
Recent Work….
The New York Times has a special section series on museums in the art section of the paper. I met glass artist Judith Schaechter at the James A. Michener Art Museum in Doylestown, PA. with her beautiful stained glass piece ““Super/Natural”. When I asked her about the birds and flowers in her piece, she said she imagined them on her own. This was inspiring to me. The brain is magical and can always come up with something new.
“What do you hope people will experience when they encounter it?
I hope to inspire people the way I am inspired. Every single thing in the dome is from my imagination.
I really appreciate all technology, so when I say that I wanted to do something for the field of craft with the dome, it’s not at the expense of, say, A.I., necessarily. But I do think that people fall in love with these technologies and devalue others. Never forget that we invented A.I., never forget what we can do with our hands and our own brains. That’s why I didn’t use a lot of reference material for the dome. I mean, I’m 64, and all my references are in my head now.”
Words by Sarah Archer
Photo editing by Anika Burgess
A story about how after 100 days of the Trump administration, people’s day to day living has changed. Pictured here is Michelle Sanford who lives in the suburbs of Philadelphia.
“Sanford works for a canning company that is struggling with the fallout from Trump’s tariffs, which have also hit her retirement account. Her husband is worried that potential Medicaid cuts being debated by Republicans could threaten the payments he relies on to offset the cost of his health expenses. And she is concerned that her college-age son—who is biracial and benefited from diversity, equity and inclusion programs growing up—will no longer have access to those resources amid the Trump-driven backlash to DEI.
“This is beyond my wildest dreams,” said Sanford, 53, who lives in Eagleville, Pa., and voted for Kamala Harris. “I didn’t picture it being this bad.”
Words by Tarini Parti
Photo editing by Kara Milstein
From August 2024 until March of this year, I spent time going around the city of Philadelphia for Pew Charitable Trusts for their State of the City report. A lot of the places I went to I was familiar with, but there were other areas of the city I had never been to such as the northeast and in southwest Philly. I feel much more familiar with my city and I love that I can call this place my home.
Photo editing by Louisa Barnes
Other links & updates
Harvard Law Bulletin - An Uncompromising View: Sociologist and legal expert Dorothy E. Roberts ’80 works for radical change and a more just society
The New York Times - The Formerly Incarcerated Person Who Turned Down Columbia’s Ph.D. Offer
I don’t have much travel coming up but I’ll be visiting family in Mississippi in May.
I’ll be applying to this Working Assumptions grant and encourage you to do the same if you have any photography projects related to the idea of family.
The work I did with the Washington Post on Swannanoa, NC won Best Digital Storytelling Package, Feature for the White House News Photographers Association 2025 Eyes of History contest and NPPA’s BOP contest in the News & Issue – Visual Presentation category.
Links, podcasts, blogs ✨✨✨
Gabriella Angotti-Jones’ photos for Hammer & Hope on witnessing the grief and loss of the Los Angeles fires
Zaydee Sanchez published a fun piece about the Mexican version of professional wrestling - Lucha libre in Los Angeles
Greta Rybus’ piece on rise of meth use in Maine gave me a glimpse into the ways a community rallies to support those struggling with addiction
This list of 80 tiny human moves is empowering.
This episode of Ted Radio Hour is something I keep listening to: It’s about how we see ourselves. The second segment about wanting to be good, and how maybe being good-ish would be better because that gives us room to make mistakes and grow, while being good is final and absolute and does not give room to grow and makes us defensive. “We don't realize how much our self view as a good person is affecting our behavior. That in fact, we're working so hard to protect that good person identity that we're not actually giving ourselves space to learn from our mistakes and actually be better people.”
✨✨✨
I've been thinking about this a lot lately: How can I inject my days with more wonder and gratitude? I remain convinced that photography is good for us, and this is one way we can achieve that. Thanks for sharing these experiences with us, Hannah! Have you seen Sophie Howarth's new book about Wonder? I think you would like it.
As a paid photographer who had a steady paying career, until federal cuts, I was in this same way. Where was my growth? Why was I starting to dread assignments that seemed to be the same as the last. What I had done was stopped taking photos for myself. Because of this, I am changing that.