23. Finding reasons to be here
and to keep going
March started off pretty rough for me. I was feeling really down. Not sure if it was burnout, depression, a lack of work, or the stresses of being a mom. It was probably all of those things.
Being lost in my thoughts, I contemplated quitting this freelance life. I just wasn't sure if it was the right fit for me anymore. I wondered if I wasn’t cut out for the industry. Even though other people understood what I was going through, I still felt alone.
Freelancing in the media and journalism industry wasn’t made for us to thrive. If you can manage to survive even a couple of years in this field, you should be proud of yourself. In some ways, it’s set up to break us down as we’re put through the wringer while we attempt to pursue what we love. The low pay, the work-for-hire contracts, being ghosted, the uncomfortable power dynamic between you and an editor, the competitive nature between you and your peers, and everything in between can build up immense anxiety and stress in one’s body and mind. On top of that, there are systemic barriers to entering into the industry that many of us have had to navigate.
But, I’m still here. I’ve been doing this for almost 10 years and am proud of what I’ve done, how I’ve grown and and how I’ve navigated through a confusing and tiring industry. If you’ve pivoted or are thinking of pivoting, it isn’t a reflection on your ability or talent but rather it reveals the hostility of our industry. I understand why people switch careers or pivot to photo editing or a different kind of photography.
I’m still here because I love connecting with people. I love hearing people’s stories, their experiences and being brought into the lives of people I may not have had access to if it weren’t for this job.
My understanding of people and the world I live in expands every time I go out on an assignment.
I’m still here because photography allows me to explore my own life, my questions and ideas. I’m curious about my own history and where I’m from, what my parents experienced and how everything before me has shaped me and will shape my future.
I keep going because I know there are more interesting people to meet, more stories to tell, and more questions to explore.
I’m grateful for the community I’m part of and hold close those that have supported me, cheered me on and continually believe in me.
Honestly, if I didn't have clear reasons for being here, I might have just enrolled in some online course or joined a random boot camp just to have a way out. But right now, I’m holding on to these few reasons to keep me going. Also, much thanks to Viola Davis and her grammy winning audiobook “Finding Me” for being a gentle guide for me in the month of March.
As I questioned why I was still in this industry, I spoke to two photographers I admire about their thoughts on the industry and why they still keep going.
Meron Menghistab is an Eritrean-American photographer based in Seattle working primarily in portraiture and narrative based work. I appreciate the way he thinks about the work we do and not taking it so personal.
“I would say I still pursue it because I love meeting people, hearing their stories, and talking to them about their lives. I’ve met SO many different types of people, and I can’t believe I get to do that for a living. As long as someone is willing to pay me to do that I’ll never turn down the chance to hear someone’s story, and then ask them questions about it. I like to think of my photos as conversational anyways.
The industry is…an industry, and anyone who knows me knows I don’t associate my personal worth to my JOB lmao???? No thanks. So the “work” on a personal level is always going to feed my curiosity, and the “work” in a literal sense is just a job that will have highs and lows.”
And Alicia Vera is a Mexican-American photographer based in Mexico City & Miami working for editorial and commercial clients. We’ve commiserated on how tough this industry is but her persistence and ability to navigate this industry encourages me to keep going.
The industry is depressing. Many staffers are getting fired, budgets are dwindling, etc. It’s not sustainable and many of us are wondering what’s next. In addition to this, we have to deal with the abuses of the industry: clients ghosting us, asking us to give up more rights (for our images) for less money, late payments, the continuing of hiring white cis men. It’s exhausting and feels really sad because I know many of us really love our jobs.
“I love to tell stories. And right now, for example, I’m working on a very intimate and personal project that whenever I post about it, multiple people write to me and share their own experiences. It resonates and the feeling of being able to tell your own story and helping people feel less alone is something special.”
Recent Work…
At the end of February, I had the opportunity for the Wall Street Journal to observe a brain surgery and witness how a temporary computer chip implant could help patients with Parkinson’s or other related diseases
I met Ashley Moyer and her son, Landen, at their home for The Washington Post on a story about how the issue of IVF could possibly impact a key Republican in Pennsylvania.
‘Rep. Scott Perry, a conservative Republican representing a moderate suburban district in the Harrisburg area, insists he supports in vitro fertilization though he sponsored a bill last year that would make it federal law that life begins at conception.
But some voters in his district, like new mom Ashley Moyer, don’t believe him.
Last month, I met a few election workers in Luzerne county of Pennsylvania as they prepare for the upcoming primaries and election. Especially since 2020, Luzerne county has experienced high-profile mistakes exacerbated by high staff turnover that have been seized on by conspiracy theorists.
Other news…
My work on the Pennsbury girls wrestling team was awarded the AI-AP American Photography “CHOSEN” award.
My work with the Washington Post on North Korean refugees was awarded the Communication Arts Award of Excellence in the 65th annual photography contest.
After applying for the Photoville festival this year, I didn’t get in. Bummed, but it’s not the end of the world. This world comes with a lot of disappointments and rejections.
Links, podcasts, blogs ✨✨✨
This older Ezra Klein episode from January has me thinking about what has happened to subcultures and if everyone will end up looking the same and liking the same stuff as we are basically controlled by the algorithm on the internet.
Dina Litovsky lists out a bunch of terrible excuses used by companies asking for free work.
Kholood Eid shares her thoughts being a Palestinian American photographer accompanied by these photos published in the Daily Orange
On a Photo Editor’s instagram, there are posts where pregnant people share their experiences of working.
Gioncarlo Valentine’s March letter - this is something I look forward to every month
I have a giveaway for Greta Rybus’ new book ‘Hot Springs’.
I’m away from April 3-April 15th in Europe with my family!
✨✨✨ Until next time!
Beautifully written! I especially loved how you noted "My understanding of people and the world I live in expands every time I go out on an assignment" Despite the many hardships of being a freelance creative, it really can make your life and perspective so much richer.
your work is really cool and i like how you are sharing all these different types of stories and people. and you got to watch brain surgery, how cool is that!