29. No goals for this year

but seeing what my life has in store for me

Happy new year!

In my 20s and early 30s, I lived for the start of the new year. The ideas of redemption, new beginnings, a reset or whatever it is we collectively feel as a year ends and a new one starts. Every year, with a pen and planner, I’d write out lofty and tangible goals for the year. Most of the time, these were career focused, driven by ambition to be successful and feel a sense of accomplishment.

Writing out goals allowed me to feel a bit of control, productive and amped for the new year. A 5k, work on a personal project, email 3 new editors, be nicer to my husband, eat healthy, move more, sleep earlier etc etc.

I’m not anti-goals, but I wanted to try something new this year. I want to see what is in store for me without forcing things or setting things up. It doesn’t mean I’ll sit around and wait for things to come to me. It doesn’t mean I won’t be proactive in building my career and my relationships and hobbies, but I don’t want a goal to be what guides me. On January 1st, my husband and I sat down to write things out that we are looking forward to in this year.

I don’t want to be a machine, limited by what I think I should be doing and what I’m expected to accomplish. Plus, these ‘goals’ are things I need to do anyway and are easy ‘to-do’ items.

New Year's Day tradition of visiting our local coffee shop and writing out reflections for the year before and things we look forward to in the new year

Last year, I felt hopeless and bummed about work. I’m sure if you’ve been following, you could feel my frustration and anxiety. But as the year wrapped up, I looked at my finances and all the different assignments I did and the different people I worked with, and realized 2024 was better than I felt it was. It was my emotional relationship with the industry that was going through the ringer. So much of me was tethered to the emotional side of how the industry works - feeling an ego boost when an editor called me, happy about getting an assignment before someone else, proud for being sent to out-of-state assignments, excited when pitches were accepted, but also constantly dejected and emotionally unwell when I saw others working more than me, or not hearing back from an editor or things being slow. But I’m slowly detaching myself from it because it wasn’t good for my mental health or even my work.

One practical way to help with all this is getting off social media. I know I talk about this every few months, but here I am trying it again.

Back in January 2023, I wrote about taking a 30 day break from social media and I’m feeling the need to do this even more but for longer. As I listened to Amelia Hruby speak on We Can Do Hard Thing’s episode on breaking up with social media, I felt a conviction creep up on needing to take a step away from it. So far, it’s been fine. Not life changing, but it’s also been only a week.

“I felt like I was exporting my self-worth, my relationship with myself, my relationships with other people to the app. I didn’t know if I was valuable, or not, unless Instagram likes told me that what I was doing was good the same way in many relationships.” - Amelia Hruby

“There’s something about the faux proxy of community that is making me understand now that I was not putting enough into the real building of community.” - Glennon Doyle

“Sometimes when we’re used to getting this much, so much validation, or affirmation, no matter how much we love the three people we send the photo to, they can’t give us that same feeling. And it’s really challenging to negotiate, and navigate that without feeling like, “Well, does anybody see me? Why did it feel so different, or better, or worse when all of these people affirmed it than when these specific people I’ve chosen in my do? Why doesn’t it feel like enough?””- Amelia Hruby

Lisa Olivera writes in her most recent post, “It’s tender to get very, very honest about the addictive qualities of an app and how often I’d leave the present in order to be present on my phone, only to be left feeling worse. It’s tender to ask myself, “do I have anything to offer if I don’t have a platform like the one I’ve built?” — to know the answer is yes but to even have to ask myself the question.”

I will miss out on a lot but I hope it helps my mind and my heart to have some space to breathe. I often find my body tenses up while I’m scrolling, or I realize I’m holding my breath when I see tragedy after tragedy on my feed. The noise of the internet stays with me more than I need it to. I consume the drama of niche corners of the internet and I don’t want to carry that with me anymore.

I want to build the practices of sending my loved ones photo updates or have in-person presentations, of showing my work to people I care about, of texting to hang, of sending voice memos and of making effort to travel to see people. I will have an intern to post anything work related to my IG account but it will no longer be a social tool for me right now.

Thank you always for being here and supporting me ✨✨

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What I look forward to and hope to see in 2025…

Loomis, CA in November, 2024

• decluttering/clearing out our home

• National Geographic Storytelling Summit in February (let me know if you’ll be there!)

• first time going to Alaska in April - I’ll be a speaker at their annual press club conference

• celebrating big birthdays of friends and family

• spontaneous hangouts

• working with new and current editors/clients

• developing personal work practice

• watching our son grow into who he is

• board game nights

• hopefully accomplishing my ‘no buy/low buy’ year

• growth in friendships (this year, I’m hoping to deepen friendships I believe in while letting go of unnecessary ones)

• cabin and cottage trips with my husband and son

• becoming fit

• stability in my mental health

• leaning into what I’m most afraid of (in my work, friendship and myself)

• creating more (puzzles, craft nights, personal family photos with film)

• working with new wedding photographers on film

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Published Work…

One of my last assignments for 2024 was traveling to Swannanoa, NC for the Washington Post to work on a story on the struggles people are going through in the aftermath of Hurricane Helene. We spent time on one street, Edwards Ave in Beacon Village, where majority of the homes were destroyed. The families went through a collective experience of trauma and it has brought them together. Most people are hoping to return back to their homes once they are rebuilt.

Katey, left, and her partner, Charles stand on their lot on Edwards Ave. Katey was the only one on the block who had flood insurance before Hurricane Helene.

Tony Burgin, 18, sits in his room at a rental home on Edwards Ave. Tony is a senior in high school and is hoping to move away as far as possible after he graduates.

Mark Rhymer, 55, left, stands with his mother, Nancy Rhymer, 81, in front of their home on Edwards Ave in Swannanoa, NC. Mark held onto their porch pillar for almost four hours before a neighbor came to rescue them on a kayak. Nancy had lived at the home for 80 years. “Mom said, I’m about to give up. And I said, ‘no mom you’re not.’”

Below is a free link to the story. You will need to sign in with your email. There are video interviews by North Carolina-based Julia Wall that give you a sense of what people in North Carolina are dealing with even months after the hurricane.

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Links, podcasts, blogs ✨✨✨

Josie Santi from The Everygirl writes about what she does instead of writing out new year’s resolutions.

NPR’s Consider This discusses a different way to think about new year’s resolutions

Thanks to Melissa Lyttle for sharing this CJR’s series, “Aftermath” about journalists who have left the traditional media on what they lost and what they gained.

Grateful to Sophie Park and the other journalists for opening up to the Nieman Labs on the instability of being a young and emerging journalist

Kirsten Powers on leaning into what you are most afraid of for 2025. “Sometimes, it will be exactly as scary as you imagined, or maybe even worse. It may even require you to keep facing down that fear repeatedly until you eventually learn how to metabolize it. You also are not guaranteed success. But you are guaranteed growth and insight.”

Currently reading & listening:

✨✨✨ Until next time!