21. Hello 2024

cautiously hopeful for the year

My greatest desire for this year is to feel grounded and have a steady rhythm in my life. With a mixture of being sick and not sleeping, this year has gotten off to a rough start. I feel like I’m living in a twilight zone. I had high hopes of having a nice morning routine, of being able to journal and read, and of being organized and on top of my day to day tasks.

These short days have me feeling like I don’t have enough time yet I don’t have huge expectations on me to do anything. A friend mentioned that I’m most likely struggling with burnout. And I think this is true. 2023 was a lot. Being in my first year of parenting while also freelancing was a lot more intense and stressful than I probably show.

I am making effort to manage a photography career, be a present mom, be a supportive partner, be a mindful friend, be an available sister and daughter, and be a helpful neighbor. And it seems impossible to even be slightly good at any of these, let alone all of these.

Freelancing is a constant battle of wanting to be fully in charge of my work and my business and my life, while also knowing I’m at the mercy of the people who hire me. The uncertainty can be frustrating and tiresome. I know, I know, I chose this path and I know it’s privilege to be able to freelance but I don’t think it means I have to be ok with way this industry can be toxic. When it comes to freelancing, the sole responsibility is on me especially in how I relate to the industry and my own work. All of it is easier said than done - to not take things personally, to let things roll of your back, to put in the work, etc. I have 7 full years of freelancing under my belt, but I haven’t found a way to feel secure in how I feel regarding my work.

So, when the work and industry is unstable and uncertain, I need to ground myself in what can be stable and certain. This is why I’ve picked up climbing. The gym is always there and open when I need it to be. I’ve found a steady group of people to climb with regularly which gets me to go more often. I don’t feel any hint of competition, but only support when climbing. I can see visible progress. And I know it’s beneficial for my mental and physical health. I also wanted to find a hobby that was not related to being creative or making something. I needed a place where I wasn’t a mom or I wasn’t a photographer. When everything else in my life feels precarious, I have this one thing. I hope, wherever you are, whatever is going on, that you have that one thing that is steady and certain.

January recap

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New Website!!

It’s been a few years since I’ve revamped and fully updated my website. After getting feedback from a few editors, it was time to do a complete update. Please take some time to check it out.

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Other news…

Wall Street Journal - These Retirees Have to Rely on Social Security. Here’s How They Do It.
New York Times - Hotel Owners Push Back on Merger of National Brands

The Washington Post - Two small-time bettors called Bob Baffert a ‘cheat.’ Now he’s suing.

The Washington Post - New Alzheimer’s drugs bring hope. But not equally for all patients.

Two of my photos from a 2021 New Yorker assignment are featured in Jonathan Blitzer’s new book “Everyone Who is Gone Here”. Take a listen to Blitzer’s interview with Terry Gross on Fresh Air.

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Links, podcasts, blogs ✨✨✨

Thanks to the Libby and access to audiobooks, I’ve been able to finish 4 audiobooks and one book. The highlights were Jennette McCurdy’s “I’m Glad My Mom Died”, a powerful and heartbreaking memoir, and I loved James McBride’s memoir “The Color of Water” as he shares about his relationship with his white mom as a Black man.

Currently listening to the audiobook Poverty, by America written by Matthew Desmond and it is quite eye-opening.

NPR’s Life Kit - The Emotional Roller Coaster of Being a New Mom

Lovely photos and words in the New York Times by Adam Rouhana on The Subversive Act of Photographing Palestinian Life

Please send me your favorite podcasts since I’m getting bored of some of the current ones I’m listening to.

✨✨✨ Until next time!